Whom Are YOU Trying to Please?

Are you trying to please Mom? Dad? Spouse? Friend? Grandma?

You may think this is a strange question. It can be a subconscious and hidden revelation that's not even recognized, but for many folks in search of a career it plays a BIG part in the decision making process.

Truth is.... YOU are the only one who needs to be 'pleased' when it comes to deciding on your career choice. No one else matters! If that sounds harsh, reality tells us no one has a right to 'control' another persons future.

Many Dads' get caught up in their own shortcomings. It can be your Mom or Spouse, maybe just a close friend.... even the "grands" want to put in their 2 cents worth. Some parents played sports in school and want to see their children follow the same route. You see it on the ball fields - football - baseball - soccer - basketball - and more.

Don't get persuaded to seek a career path because.... someone you love and respect wants to influence your chosen life's work based on something they missed in their own career choice. YOU are the KEY player in this picture and it's important that you "snap" the right picture.

It's NOT your responsibility or obligation to meet peer pressures, society pressures, or any other pressures from the outside. Let your own personality rise to meet the demands from within yourself.

Never let Dad's or Mom's career choice dictate your own. Too many Preachers, Doctors, Lawyers, Business Executives and others are the result of following in the footsteps of their parents or grandparents. A bad idea UNLESS it is YOUR chosen field of influence and persuasion.

Deep conflicts come from accepting the path of least resistance. Yes, it may be a real challenge to choose your own path, but nothing in your future is more important when it comes to happiness in your work and family life. Lotsof good feelings will arise when it's your choice, not those of anyone else.

One final thought - it may seem selfish to you, ruling out the desires of your family members who want you to follow in their foot-steps. Failure to make your own choice will have you working in a position you do not like or enjoy and in the end it will be a disappointment for those you wanted to please inthe first place.

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You're Not Paranoid: The House Really Hates You

If you've just bought a house, you may be able to relate to a fascinating essay in Maya Angelou's book, Even the Stars Look Lonesome.

When Ms. Angelou moved into a designer house in California, she says, nothing worked. Her pictures didn't look right on the walls. Cakes fell in the oven and curtains fell off the rods.

The house, she concluded, hated her. And it wasn't much consolation to realize the house hated her husband, too.

What I want to know is, how could she tell?

Let's face it, most houses hate their new owners. They have adapted to the rhythm of one family and resent being sold.

Like most cats that you rescue from the pound, your house probably believes, "If I'd waited awhile, a better owner would have come along. So I'm going to make this one's life miserable."

When you move

Those who are trained in modern research methods will be skeptical, but there's plenty of evidence. Everyone knows what happens when you move into a new house.

"You'll see a lot of repair services in the first six months," I was warned. "When a house hasn't changed hands in five years or more, lots of little things will happen when you move in."

Now, you'll notice this doesn't happen when you rent a house or apartment. Some friends of mine rented a house while they saved to buy their own property.

For two years, the refrigerator purred and the air conditioner hummed contentedly. The plumbing flowed silently and the insect life remained hidden. Encouraged ("see, a house isn't so bad after all!") they took the plunge and bought their own home.

I'd like to say they're doing great but in fact they've dropped out of sight. They can't take phone calls any more. "Sorry, we can't tie up this line. We're holding the phone open till we hear from the handyman..." Or the pest control guy, or the electrician. They considered Call Waiting but were afraid to jinx the only object in the house that seemed to be working.

If you seem particularly gullible, (e.g., the house senses that you're new to this game), your appliances may join the fun. I am absolutely positive the once-faithful refrigerator sent out a message: "How about this, guys. Let's really confuse everybody. I'll put out a leak, send the water over to the sink, and they'll think it's a big pipe in the wall. After they've poked a few holes they'll realize it's time to wake up that sleeping repairman!"

And one day my security system kept getting an "Open Door" signal even when the door was firmly locked. The tech found nothing wrong and it never happened again.

My lawn service person knew how to work the system: Let Them Know Who's Boss. After he cut back the hedges and pulled some over-aggressive vines, the bushes stopped sulking and started putting out nice flowers. They knew what would happen if they didn't.

Making Peace with the House

Soon you've emptied your bank account to create a peace offering -- a new floor or a paint job or a screen door."Every so often," I'm told, "you even get thirty days with no service calls. But after six months or so, the house gets bored and it'll start all over again."

One thing is certain. In your house's "Lose the Owner" contest, there's one simple rule. Whoever costs the most, wins.

For serious advice about moving, download Making the Big Move.

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Your Heritage and Personal Decorating Style

Ethnic traditions, customs, and attitudes carry forward our family values. Paying tribute to family heritage and tradition also gives our children a strong sense of family ties. Our roots make us what we are, and showing respect for ancestral traditions gives the interior of your home a special individuality.

Vernacular Heritage

Regional architecture, called the vernacular, designs structures to harmonize and blend with the environment. Designed to reflect the past, using historical influences, vernacular houses complement rather than dominate their settings. These homes recreate the traditional neighborhoods of the past with a strong sense of place.

Many vernacular structures provide friendly zones and foster a relaxed lifestyle. For instance, Santa Fe stucco and adobe block homes often have central courtyards. Friendly porches customarily found on Florida cracker houses invite neighborly chats. Key Wests wood-framed "conch houses" and North Carolinas "low country" houses feature broad verandahs and large windows to take advantage of the areas cooling breezes.

Vernacular homes provide sheltering transitional space from the outside to the inside, but homes without such transitional spaces can benefit greatly when structural or landscaping details are added to bring the private interior space of the home into harmony with the outside world. If your home lacks a covered entry, consider adding a wood or iron framework or an awning to create a feeling of protection and shelter.

Ethnic Influence on American Architecture and Furnishings

Since Americans have always constructed houses that mimicked their native homelands, its not surprising that Italian and Mediterranean villas, grand English country houses, and simple French farmhouses can be found across the United States. From the earliest days of our nation, Americans have taken design details from all over the world and copied, adapted, and redesigned their ethnic patterns and furnishings.

Patterns originating in Africa, such as animal prints and intricate geometrics, have been duplicated in many ways. Mexican antiques, Danish and Swedish furniture, and Oriental-influenced accessories have intermingled in our homes. From New England Cape Cods to Santa Fe adobes, our diverse heritage has influenced American architecture and interior design, while log cabins, rustic western interiors, and American folk art have suggested distinct American origins.

Style and Emotional Ambience

Style is the end decorating result of the combination of detail characteristics reminiscent of an era, an artistic movement, or a particular region, such as the Victorian era, Art Nouveau period, or Midwestern Prairie style. Mood or emotional ambiance is the personal interpretation of style to evoke feelings, whether they are cleanly slick, elegantly formal, cozily informal, or romantically eclectic.

Architectural Styles: Structure and Furnishings

Rooms all of one period or style are best left for museums or exhibitions. Eclectic rooms mix furnishings from different periods, such as a contemporary sofa, a silver maple Chippendale side table, and a gilded Louis XVI mirror. The beautiful and the bizarre, the exquisite and the commonplace, mixed with frivolity and delight, create joyful homes.

Architectural style may refer to a structure or to a type of furnishing. Mixing period styles with todays lifestyles is called New Traditionalism. Combinations of styles with a light hearted flair create elegant, unpretentious rooms. A few grand pieces, interspersed with simple furnishings, will bring informality to an otherwise stodgy home.

Architectural style also influences interior design. Understand the architectural style of your home and use it as a reference point for your decorating. In my own case, our modern furniture looked totally out of place in our 1878 home, so we traded our glass dining table for a traditional wood one, and replaced a modular sofa with a squishy antique one.

Some Victorian homes look magnificent when furnished with contemporary furniture, but this is harder to accomplish than the reverse, which is a contemporary house, furnished with antiques. Grand old houses decorated with modern furnishings look better with plain, simple wall finishes and un-frilled window coverings.

Juxtaposing styles from your heritage with other styles that suit your fancy makes for interesting rooms and homes. Not all rooms in your home need to incorporate the same style, but some blending from room to room ensures harmony. Mixing heritage styles according to those who share your home also creates a harmonizing aura.

Your Personal Style

If you have a strong affinity for a particular architectural style, incorporate it into your total design plan. Encourage respect for your family traditions by surrounding yourself with ethnic furnishings and family heirlooms. Any style can be adapted to your way of living, whether its serenely sleek, traditionally formal, or casually informal, by either dressing up or paring down your decorating embellishments.

(c) Copyright 2004, Jeanette J. Fisher. All rights reserved.

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